Golden rules for a happy marriage by GYLES BRANDRETHYesterday, Gyles Brandreth revealed his top tips for entertaining. Here, in part three of his brilliantly witty series, he takes us through a day in the world of manners — from how to ensure domestic bliss to the perils of office etiquette.. AT HOME Wherever you are, manners matter. And they matter most at home. When I got married in 1. Barbara Cartland gave me a copy of her Etiquette Handbook as a wedding present. It is bad manners to do this in curlers, without lipstick, in a shabby dressing- gown and down- at- heel slippers. Wherever you are, manners matter. And they matter most at home, says etiquette expert Gyles Brandreth. I have discovered that it is true what they say: for a happy life, you need a happy wife. In the modern well- mannered marriage, the two parties are truly partners, sharing domestic responsibilities and duties, taking it in turns to cook, to clear up, to clean, to choose what to watch on the box. There is no harm in ensuring that fair really is fair by having a list of who is due to do what and when, and sticking it on the refrigerator door. Much has changed in the past half- century but some things haven’t. Notwithstanding her curious obsession with wives always wearing lipstick, the essence of Barbara Cartland’s rules for good manners within marriage still apply: 1. Don’t take your partner for granted. Do as you would be done by and set a good example to the children. Do keep yourself clean. Personal freshness is part and parcel of good manners. Don’t make a mess in the bathroom. Don’t hog the bedclothes. Do remember anniversaries. Don’t snore — or, if you do, drink less or lose weight until you don’t. Do avoid those habits and mannerisms that you know annoy your partner. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. Always kiss and make up before bedtime. Always say good morning in the morning. 10 Golden rules for a Happy (and well mannered) marriage: Rule No1 is a husband can never say sorry too often! More witty tips from GYLES BRANDRETH to help you. Explore the world of Mac. Check out the MacBook, iMac, Mac Pro, and more. Visit the Apple site to learn, buy, and get support. Your Phone Number xxx-xxx-xxxx Send Text. GET EVENT SHOWTIMES Choose an Event. Smith Cinema Journal 41.1 (Fall 2001) 127-134. Introduction Nothing left to chance. Entertaining the nation. ODEON entertains film fans across more cinemas than any other cinema chain in the UK. With 114 cinemas fully digital, ODEON offers an. Always say good night at night. If you want to be an ideal husband, you should, according to my father, take Victorian prime minister Benjamin Disraeli as your role model. Disraeli’s wife Mary Anne said of him: . Gossip may be fun, but it is rarely harmless and it is always bad manners.)AT THE COFFEE SHOP Once I’ve navigated the traumatising rapids of purchasing a coffee (When do I pay? Is it my turn?), I reckon I’ve earned the right to use the coffee shop as my office for an hour or so. At a chain coffee shop, my rule of thumb is a coffee an hour and you’re paying your rent. If it’s a locally owned cafe, you can stay for 3. ON THE BUS The British queue is a Victorian invention which arrived with the advent of regular bus services. In the heyday of the Empire, when the British ruled the world (or felt that they did), and everyone knew their place in the pecking order of society, standing in a straight line, waiting for a bus, simply seemed the sensible thing to do. It doesn’t work that way any more. People just gather around the bus stop and, when the bus arrives, the scrummage begins. Rather than barging to the front, the well- mannered passenger will assess what their position would have been had there been a queue and get onto the bus when they reckon it is their rightful turn. The British queue is a Victorian invention which arrived with the advent of regular bus services. The main rule to remember is to let anyone who is obviously older or weaker than you go first. Those in wheelchairs and those with buggies take precedence. Those burdened by obesity, backpacks or cumbersome luggage don’t. On the bus, take a seat only if you are certain there isn’t anyone else whose need is greater than yours. And when it comes to giving up your seat for a mother- to- be, accept that, whatever you do, you are taking a risk. Is the lady six months’ pregnant or simply overweight? Is it better to offend the fat than assist the expectant? The decision is yours. ON THE TRAIN Don’t use your mobile phone in the designated . And don’t use your phone at all unless you really have to. Research shows that people speaking on their mobile raise the volume of their voices by up to 5. If you want to call home to say . If you want to discuss the failure of the sales department or last night’s disappointing date or the way in which your mother still does not understand you, stand between compartments to do so. The rest of us really aren’t interested. The essence of good manners on public transport is to avoid invading anybody else’s space. That means ensuring that your earphones don’t leak whatever it is you are listening to and keeping your knees together at all times. The word . The crazy man muttering to himself in the seat opposite; the complete stranger wedged up against you; the lady next to you who is on an impressive level 5. Candy Crush . On any other train it is different. If you are sitting at a table for four and a stranger makes eye contact, you can say hello. If you are not in the mood for conversation, simply nod, mutter the words . And if you do eat in public, please eat with your mouth closed and don’t try to rearrange your dentures with your tongue at the same time. AT THE OFFICE ALWAYS keep your hands to yourself. When greeting colleagues, regardless of gender, a handshake is the safe bet that never goes out of style. Apart from that, avoid all physical contact at all times — especially if you are the boss. What you construe as a friendly pat on the arm could be the start of a rather less friendly harassment suit. NEVER compliment a female colleague on her appearance if you are a man. It can seem demeaning, even if that isn’t the intent. Would you compliment Steve from accounts on his new tie or snazzy new haircut? Then don’t compliment Sue. I know, it seems like political correctness gone mad and the world is a slightly less sunny place when we can’t tell someone we like their new shoes, but sadly that is the (working) world we now live in. ALWAYS wait for a female colleague to leave the office lift before you, if you are a man. The exception is when, by doing so in a crowded lift, you cause a blockage as she battles through the scrum to get out. NEVER forget that you’re in an open- plan office. It is all too easy to get lost in your little cocoon of screen and phone and forget that you are in public. Don’t make long personal phone calls or talk about other people. Don’t have your phone on speaker and talk into it in the manner of someone about to take a bite of a slice of toast. It doesn’t make you look important, it makes you look like someone who came sixth on an early series of the Apprentice. ALWAYS heed headphones. This is a tip handed to me by the younger generation. People don’t just wear headphones to listen to music: they use them as a . Heed the message. NEVER steal other people’s sandwiches from the fridge or eat all the cake Mabel from accounts brought in for her birthday. This is good for neither your waistline nor your social standing. ALWAYS give the meeting your full attention. Or at least make sure you appear to be doing so. It is not acceptable to use your mobile phone. Likewise, talking to your neighbour or doodling on your notebook should be avoided. Remember: you are at work, not at school. NEVER talk business on the golf course before the fourth hole. ALWAYS contribute to the birthday/retirement/baby gift card even if it is your first week or you hate the person involved. NEVER remind anyone of what they got up to at the office party. LUNCHING IN Depressingly, lunch al desko is what’s expected these days. Given the desks in question tend to be in open- plan offices, pay heed to the usual rules about eating in public. Essentially, the less pungent the better. Say yes to that chicken avocado salad, no to lamb balti. LUNCHING OUT If we lived in France or the Fifties, we would still be enjoying those wine- filled weekday working lunches of old, rather than a sandwich, crisps and a bottle of water designed so you have to imbibe it upside down like a hamster in a cage in front of your computer. If you are lucky enough still to get the odd working lunch, here are the basic rules. When you arrive, confidently shake hands with everyone at the table and introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know. Within certain professions, it used to be practically obligatory to have an alcoholic drink at lunch. Nowadays, it’s different. But if you are wining and dining a client, you want them to enjoy themselves. If you are the host, let the client order first so they feel welcome to a drink. If they do order one, keep them company — but stick to one. Let whoever organised the business lunch pay for it. If you are paying, the suave thing to do is to deal with the bill with only the most cursory of glances at it, not breaking conversation with your guest. ON THE STREET Don’t text and walk at the same time. It is bad manners and it’s dangerous. It is bad manners because you are liable to bump into people, and it is dangerous because you are liable to bump into things. The internet is crowded with CCTV footage of people walking into lampposts, falling into fountains and disappearing down manholes — clutching their i. Phones as they go. Amusing to watch; painful to participate in. If you are in a group, don’t walk more than three abreast. An important paragraph in the unwritten pavement code states that pedestrians should always leave room for others to overtake. On the pavement, don’t be the maddening meanderer: pay attention to what is happening behind you. Don’t move too slowly, but don’t move too fast. No barging, please. Is it more important that you get where you’re going or that the little old lady in front of you stays upright? In the modern well- mannered marriage, the two parties are truly partners, sharing domestic responsibilities and duties. IN THE CAR The Duke of Edinburgh once said: . It used to be that the front passenger seat was the preserve of the most important person in the party or the lady in the group, but nowadays men seem to think it acceptable to commandeer the front spot because of the length of their legs.
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